i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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