oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
