I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am available for nakedness
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
