made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize