Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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