At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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