dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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