Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
