If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you had me at cake vodka
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
