Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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