I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
