with your own penis?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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