Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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