ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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