Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
