he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
