It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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