If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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