I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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