We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
