dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
