He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
