So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
