Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
