Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
