Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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