That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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