I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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