Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
