Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
