my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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