i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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