he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
