and you said cock pushups were impossible
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
