you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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