It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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