He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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