We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
