She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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