If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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