I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
