My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
