why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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