I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
