I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
