so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
