I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
