listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just had sex bonerless
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
