Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
