Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Operation Purity has been aborted
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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