Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Randomize
