Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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