Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
