no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
