I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
