Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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