I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
