I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
