we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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