i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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