Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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