I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
