is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
