Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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