no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
