Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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