Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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