I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
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