shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
