take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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