why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
