Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
