It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
