i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize